''I love foxes and I think I am like one.'' This thought arose when I was little, so we begin the story:
My teacher was calling my mom because of a fight I had with my bestfriend at that time. It was a kid's quarrel over stupid stuff, not even worth remembering, but it caused a rupture between me and my friend that everyone witnessed. So, I had to explain it to everyone. Why over night I went from the most angelic kid in class to a devil who fought his classmate.
Well, the simplest answer would be I was fed up and angry. I wanted to step up. But my means to accomplish that were terrible. I remember insulting my friend over a joke and escalating the subject for no reasons other than my apparent loneliness. I didn't feel like I fitted in. I only talked to ''the misfits'' of my class, people that actually had personality. They were only 2 and sometimes I doubted if we were even on the same wavelength. As much as I tried to talk with the others, it never clicked and I was feeling more and more dreadful. Like a feeling of : ''Something is wrong with me and nobody is telling me that''
From this, I got sad and isolated myself even from my friends in a corner, trying to figure out what is wrong. Then, I got angry with everyone, and that little joke about me, felt like the most spiteful childish insult. Like a beast I started with lowering my voice, pouring out the most sarcastic remarks, with spiteful laughs in the face of my enemy crumbling to emotions. At the peak of the fiery remarks, a shy push was all I needed to go on the attack and lunge myself forward in the hair of my friend. All stopped, when the teacher came and witnessed everything. But only for a time, because during the lecture the spiteful war was still going out strong. The two of us shared the same desk, that's how close we were.
From this moment on, I knew in my heart it was my fault, but what could I do to deescalate this? Well, lie! Tell everyone that nothing happened we were just playing, even tho obviously we weren't. The easiest way to calm humans is to give them a story that doesn't disturb them and resolves itself in the simplest way possible. The more you make them relate the better. That's how I dealt with my mom: '' Oh, it's nothing mom, we just played around over a shiny pen, I gotta do that homework now. See you!''
The teacher told her we fought. I replied : ''Oh yeah, over a pen I wanted to try, in the end I gave it back and apologized , nothing happened'' At home I succeeded so I continued. Next week I acted normally with everyone, even around my friend. I was calm and composed to every glance, in every reply, to every excuse I could manage to invent about the why I did it.
At the end of that week everything was normal. I even went to my friend and properly apologized, so I was forgiven. Then this teacher that witnessed everything. Come straight to me, she knows everything I thought to myself. ''Surely, she saw through my facade.'' I was prepared to be scolded and humiliated, my worst fear that I was avoiding doing all of this. I was paralyzed. But then, all that I hear was: ''You really are such a fox, Alex.''
I grinned and it stuck with me. Ha! If I could pull this off, I surely am a fox, that's why I don't fit in. Silly me, but It worked no one found my true intent and I fixed this social problem without facing my worst fear of being publicly mocked. I should have only known that this was a blessing and a curse.
PS. This is a story and should not be taken seriously. Enjoy!
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